I’m in the middle of revising the last chapter of the third book in my new YA series and it’s just hit me that when I count all of the writing and revising I’ve done and all of the writing and revising I still have left to do, I’m officially at the halfway point of developing and creating this series. Halfway, as in once I start the first draft for the final book in the series, with just that first sentence, that first word, I’ll be closer to the end of this process than the beginning. It’s a really exciting thought but it’s also a really scary one because at this point it’s too late to turn back.
If something’s not working or if something doesn’t make sense or if the concept is totally unoriginal or something else terribly horrifying goes wrong, I can’t just trunk this entire series. At this point I’m so emotionally invested in this story and this journey that I’d have no choice but to fix it. So there is no backing out. There is no hiding or running away. I have taken on the responsibility of telling this story and that means that not only do I have to tell it right but that I have to finish. Both equally as hard, both equally as terrifying.
Writing this series has been incredibly fulfilling for me in so many ways, many of which I’ve only realized during these brief moments where I actually just stop and reflect. But probably the greatest thing has been just to live in this world for so long, undisturbed, without obligations or expectations. I’ve been free to do this because no one is pressuring me or waiting on me but myself, which means I have the time to do things right and with purpose. It feels good just to write. To sit down every day and know that regardless of whatever comes of this, I did it for me. It feels good to trust myself and it feels good to BE myself.
I daydream a lot about the fall and about all of the amazing things that could happen after these books are out there in the world. But ever since I made the conscious choice not to publish anything new for so long, I’m also learning to really appreciate the freedom that goes along with that choice. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be patient and to grow and to learn. I’m learning so much about myself and about what I’m capable of and without being doubtful or negative concerning the future in any way, I’m realizing that regardless of what happens I already have so much to be thankful for.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the end result that it’s all I can see and it’s all that I want. But I’m beginning to realize that it isn’t the end result that’s the most rewarding. It’s the journey. It’s the journey I crave and it’s the journey I will be grateful for above all else. Because it’s the journey, the actual sitting down every day to write, that has made me rich in more ways than I can even comprehend. Writing these books keeps me sane, they give me purpose, they give me passion. Writing these books inspires me and comforts me. But most importantly, writing these books just makes me happy.