It’s one of my worst fears. But sometimes it’s inevitable.
Ever since I sent book 3 to my second round of beta readers, I’ve been stuck in a writing rut. I’ve been slowly trying to coax a coherent story out of this YA project I’ve been working on but I just couldn’t see how the pieces were supposed to fit. It felt flat and rushed and just didn’t have the emotional resonance I was hoping it would. I knew I had a pretty kick ass idea, but this whole “sabbatical” mentality has had me scrambling to just get things done so I could mark them off my list. And there was my problem.
More than being just finished, this book needs to be right. It’s a competitive world out there, I know, especially between indie authors. We all hear about the importance of extending your backlist, about how churning out books every 3-4 months is the only way to sustain an audience. But here’s what they don’t tell you–that sometimes this is done out of greed, that sometimes the only way to keep this kind of pace is to skimp on quality.
My goals as of late haven’t been quite this menacing. But I will admit that I’m pretty desperate not to have to return to a day job I hate. Too desperate, maybe, and that’s why I’m just now buckling under the pressure. Because it was too much. I see that now.
So even though it’ll be hard and scary and not at all what I’d planned, I’m going to take this MS and start from scratch. And I’m going to keep plugging away at it until it’s right. Because that’s what’s important to me. I don’t write frivolously and I don’t write for show. I write because I want to make things that will last. I know it won’t be perfect, that’s not what I’m aiming for. But at least when I finally decide to share it, I’ll know that I did my absolute best, and I’ll know that it’s right. Because when you do things right, you’re not only honoring your readers, but you’re also honoring yourself.