Bye Bye Cubicle

Well it’s finally here. My last day in the bright orange cube has come and gone and as I was walking through those double glass doors for the last time I thought I’d feel…elated? Relieved? Something good? But as I stopped to breathe in that stagnant Florida air I wasn’t jumping for joy. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t even afraid. I was just done.

When I was impatiently waiting for this day I looked at it as some kind of finish line. Like escaping the drudgery of a 9 to 5 job was some kind of accomplishment. But the truth is I haven’t escaped anything and this is just the beginning.

This is where the real work begins. Because it was easy to feel motivated with a day job as my constant adversary but now it’ll be up to me to get up early and stay up late. To put in the work even though there’s no one looking over my shoulder. To be present and meet my deadlines. To make this dream happen. Because no one is going to do it for me.

And it’s a strange feeling knowing that it’s all up to me. That the effort I choose to put in has the potential to change my life forever. But it’s also exciting and scary and overwhelming…and what if I fail? What if? But that’s not even the most important question. Failure, in some shape or form, is likely an inevitability. So maybe the important question is what will I do when I fail? Will I keep going or will I give up?

I think every artist is faced with this question sooner or later. Do you give up on your dream for the sake of paying bills? And if you have a family or other people who depend on you, what’s more important, providing for them or your own happiness? If the money runs out and I still haven’t found a way to do this full time, those are the kind of questions I’ll have to answer.

Unless giving up isn’t an option. Unless there is no plan B. Unless I treat this as a calling and not just some really expensive hobby. That’s what it is, isn’t it? When you live for something, when you can’t stop, couldn’t even if you wanted to. I mean passion doesn’t just happen by accident. No. Passion is innate and uncontrollable. Passion is everything. So I’m going to follow my passion and whether that takes me down the path of indie stardom or starving artists, at least I’ll know that none of it was by accident.

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7 thoughts on “Bye Bye Cubicle

  1. Very exciting times for you! Gotta take a risk from time to time and push those boundaries to see what’s truly possible outside the ordinary ;). Good luck to you!!

    • Thank you!!! But I think I’ve reached the outskirts of excited and am now on the verge terrified. I’m trying to focus on the fun of this little adventure but it’s hard not to think about the potential consequences if I fail. But then again I’ll never know if I don’t try.

      • This is true, but oh…. the possibilities if you succeed!! The beginning is always the hardest – once you find your rhythm that initial uncomfortableness will fade away. 🙂

        • Exactly. I just need to find my rhythm what with writing in a new environment and under unfamiliar stress. But I’ll adjust eventually, and when I do everything will feel back to normal.

          • Well you inspire me! I’m trying to go from “traditional” 9-5 (i.e. boring) to possibly becoming a freelance writer, and I completely understand the fear when starting out. I keep thinking about it… Good on you for taking a true initiative! 🙂

  2. maechs says:

    Hello! I found your blog through your comment on A.J. Adwen’s “NOPE.” post!
    CONGRATULATIONS on taking the next step towards your dream! Follow that passion! I’ll be sure to check out The Things They Didn’t Bury and Orphans of Paradise soon 🙂

    • Thanks so much for finding me here!! And thanks for the encouragement. I definitely feel like I made the right decision and because of that, even when I’m afraid, I know that it’ll all work out.

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